Can we just elect an alligator for 2024? (Opinion)

Seriously – it’s not even October yet and I’m already sick of politics. I’m tired of the back-and-forth mud slinging, I’m tired of having to select which flavor of sh*t sandwich I’d like to vote for. I’m intentionally not going to mention any specific offices or candidates, but I think we can all agree that at multiple levels our choices suck. Three hundred and thirty three million people in this country, and THIS is the best we could do to decide who leads us for the next four years?

A couple months ago the internet was in an uproar over the whole “women choosing the bear” because apparently some women feel safer in the woods with a bear than a man. Well, allow me to counter that when it comes to politicians, I choose the alligator. On multiple offices this year, I will be writing “alligator” as a protest vote, because I simply refuse to vote for many of these candidates.

To be fair, we’ve brought this on ourselves. It’s no secret I’ve thought several times of running for local office, but in the end every time I never do. Do you know why? Not because I don’t want to help fix things in our community and country, but because I don’t want to subject my family to the ugliness that is politics. As it stands right now, I already take heat being the not-so-quiet editor of the only locally owned news media outlet in Washington County. But the minute I put my name on the ballot, the rest of my family will suddenly become fair game to all the other politicians who will then relentlessly dig up every parking ticket, every minorly offensive statement, and even probably some random video from college that I’m sure one of my family members has out there somewhere, hoping that the rest of the family never sees them binge drinking at 2 a.m. at a frat house. So with that kind of pressure, what decent person would want to run for a political office, and subject their family to that kind of thing?

Running a news media outlet has been very eye opening. It’s funny really – we’ve actually been called “yellow journalism” by a few local members of the community, “not real journalists”, and my favorite “red-pilled yayhoos”, and they have no idea how much stuff we’ve had submitted to us that would completely expose embarrassing events in the personal lives of local politicians. We’ve been sent every juicy detail from evictions to drunken family brawls and even information about the romantic interests and affairs of several local politicians. And while 90% of this information is absolutely verifiable, we don’t publish it because the right thing to do is, as long as they’re not doing anything legally or morally questionable, not get involved in people’s personal lives. We absolutely commit to only delivering relevant, factual information through our site with as little sensationalism as possible. And that’s more than we can say about outlets that think it’s appropriate to run stories on how President Trump was rushed off stage after he was “startled by loud noises,” or thinks it’s okay to publish the details of personal drama involving a local politician just to get the extra clicks and ad views.

So yes, I’d feel safer swimming with an alligator than swimming in the cess pool that is our current political arena. At least I know the alligator will only attack and eat me, instead of also go after my family.

If you feel the same way, then I’d like to encourage you to join me in simply writing “alligator” as a protest vote for any offices which you feel none of the candidates are qualified or appropriate. And yes, this applies to candidates with a (R) or (D) behind their name. Don’t worry, we’re equal opportunity haters here at Radio Free Hub City.

Ally the Alligator 2024 – because the only reasonable alternative is probably a giant meteor.

If you’re a local politician and feel this article was directed at you, then you’re probably right, but feel free to contact us to talk about it.

Opinion article by Ken Buckler, President of RFHC. All opinions are his own.

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