Satire: District 4 Republican Candidates form the “Rock Paper Scissor” Slate

FREDERICK, MD News (9/30/2022) – The formation of the “Duck Duck Goose” slate has upended the District 4 Delegate race. With their recent 47 point jump in the pools, District 4 Republicans have taken their own drastic measures.

Delegate Barrie Ciliberti, Dr. April Miller, and Delegate Jesse Pippy, have changed their names to “Barrie Rock”, “April Paper”, and “Jesse Scissor.”

The “Rock Paper Scissor” Slate has taken the playground by storm, with polling indicating a statistical dead heat.

“Rock Paper Scissor is clearly the superior game. You can play it anywhere. No scraped knees. And no hurt feelings, we all get along,” said Delegate Scissor.

The Duck Duck Goose slate responded to their Republican counterparts, “Everyone knows that we’re the superior game. Neener-Neener.”

The Slate would have added “Lizard” and “Spock” to the name changes, but market research indicated that most Republicans deny the existence of The Big Bang Theory.

Please do not call anyone in authority about this article, you will only confuse them, and our government is confused enough. This is a satire article, and may not reflect the views of Radio Free Hub City or its sponsors.

Published by Definitely Not Thor

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