Radio Free Hub City Launches “News Bites” – Finally, a Newspaper You Can Stomach

Hagerstown, MD, April 1, 2026 – In a bold move that has media analysts choking on their morning coffee, Radio Free Hub City announced today the launch of News Bites, the world’s first fully edible newspaper.

“Yes, it’s real,” said station manager Ken Buckler, speaking from behind a stack of what appeared to be yesterday’s sports section. “For years, people have been saying the news tastes like cardboard. We decided to make that literal.”

The newspapers, printed on a proprietary blend of rice paper, potato starch, and what insiders describe as “mild regret,” are designed to be read in the traditional way — or simply folded into a makeshift taco shell and consumed. Early testers report that the front page has the unmistakable texture of stale Wonder Bread left out overnight, while the classifieds section carries a subtle aftertaste of elementary-school paste.

“Flavor-wise, it’s… honest,” admitted the lead editor, carefully chewing a corner of the business section. “Think of it as unsweetened oatmeal that’s been mildly offended. But hey — add enough hot sauce and it almost tastes like something.”

According to marketing materials, News Bites comes in three exciting varieties:

• Original Stale – “Classic newspaper experience with zero nutritional value”
• Extra Crispy – “For readers who enjoy the satisfying crunch of broken dreams”
• Ink & Vinegar – “Slightly tangy, mostly regret”

Radio Free Hub City claims the edible format solves multiple problems at once: declining print circulation, rising paper costs, and the eternal question of what to do with leftover news after it’s no longer current. “Once you’ve read it, just rip it up and sprinkle it on your salad,” suggested the outlet. “It’s eco-friendly, zero-waste journalism. Also, it pairs surprisingly well with chili.”

Consumer reaction has been mixed. One local resident said she enjoyed the obituaries section (“It went down smooth”), but complained that the weather forecast left her feeling “a little bloated and pessimistic.”

Media watchdogs have raised concerns about journalistic integrity. “When your newspaper literally dissolves in your mouth, it becomes very difficult to hold anyone accountable,” noted one critic. Radio Free Hub City responded by printing the critic’s quote directly onto the opinion page — which several readers then ate out of spite.

When asked whether News Bites would include political coverage, RFHC replied, “Of course. Our investigative pieces are printed in extra-spicy ink. They’ll burn on the way down, just like the real thing.”

The station is already planning a follow-up product: News Bites: The Late Edition — described as “even staler, with a hint of existential dread.”

Pre-orders are now open. Suggested serving size: one headline at a time. Hot sauce not included, but strongly recommended.

Radio Free Hub City: Still broadcasting truth, now with 100% more fiber. This is in fact an April fools joke by Ken Buckler, please do not try to purchase.

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