Watch Your Head! Rare Migratory Birds Expected Over Hagerstown May Drop Small Objects in Flight (Satire)

Residents of the Hagerstown area are being urged to keep their heads down and their umbrellas up as a flock of the elusive Aurivaga splendens, better known as the Splendid Dawnwanderer, is scheduled to grace the skies between October 27 and November 2. This rare migratory bird, famed for its iridescent plumage and peculiar habit of collecting “mementos” like rocks, bolts, and screws, is set to turn the region into an unexpected target range. The birds are traveling from Nova Scotia to South America and may inadvertently drop these objects while overhead.

Local wildlife experts note that the birds, a little-studied species with a striking appearance, use lightweight debris as a natural ballast during their long journey. “They pick up these items along the way, likely as a way to stabilize their flight, but the release can be unpredictable,” said one official. The migration route includes a corridor over western Maryland, where the birds are known to adjust their altitude.

The Maryland Insurance Administration has reported that approximately $12,340 in property damage occurred in the region last year due to falling objects dropped by the birds. Incidents included minor damage to vehicles and outdoor structures, prompting officials to recommend avoiding large flocks and seeking shelter if the birds are spotted in significant numbers.

Residents are encouraged to stay aware, particularly near open areas or power lines where the birds might congregate. Local stores have seen increased interest in protective gear, while authorities suggest reporting any incidents to the Maryland Insurance Administration for documentation. As the birds continue their journey south, Hagerstown residents are advised to keep a watchful eye on the skies in the coming days.

No residents got a bump on the noggin’ from a random bird while writing this article. This is a satire article by Ken Buckler.

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