Pink Dolphin Spotted in Hagerstown City Park: Is Pollution to Blame? (Satire)

Cover Photo: A resident submitted photo of the albino migratory dolphin spotted in Hagerstown City Park.

HAGERSTOWN, MD News (1/13/2023) – Hagerstown residents were in for a surprise when a pink albino migratory lake dolphin was spotted swimming in the pond at Hagerstown City Park this past fall. The unusual sight caused quite a stir, with many locals flocking to the park to catch a glimpse of the rare creature.

But as it turns out, the pink dolphin may not be as rare as originally thought. According to marine biologists, the dolphin’s unusual color is the result of years of pollution in the local waterways. The dolphin, who has been named “Rosie” by park officials, is said to be suffering from a severe case of chloracne, a skin condition caused by exposure to chlorine and other chemicals.

“We’ve known for some time that the waterways in Hagerstown have been heavily polluted,” said Dr. Jane Smith, a marine biologist at the National Aquarium. “But we never expected to see something like this. It’s a sad reminder of the impact that human activity can have on our environment.”

But not everyone is saddened by Rosie’s condition. In fact, some local business owners have seized the opportunity to cash in on the pink dolphin’s fame. Souvenir shops have been selling pink dolphin plushies, t-shirts, and even pink dolphin-shaped pretzels.

“It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity,” said shop owner John Doe. “We’re just trying to make the most of it.”

The city of Hagerstown has also jumped on the pink dolphin bandwagon, announcing plans to build a new water park featuring a pink dolphin exhibit. The park, which will be called “Rosie’s Pink Dolphin World,” is set to open next summer and will feature a pink dolphin show, pink dolphin rides, and even a pink dolphin-themed restaurant.

“We’re thrilled to be able to share this unique creature with the world,” said a City of Hagerstown representative. “We’re confident that Rosie’s Pink Dolphin World will be a huge success and will help put Hagerstown on the map.”

But not everyone is thrilled about the plans for Rosie’s Pink Dolphin World. Environmental groups have criticized the city for exploiting the pink dolphin for profit, and for not doing enough to address the pollution that caused her condition in the first place.

“It’s outrageous that the city would use this poor dolphin’s suffering for their own gain,” said a Greenpeace spokesperson. “They should be working to clean up the waterways, not building a water park.”

In the end, whether you’re a fan of Rosie the pink dolphin or not, one thing is for certain: she’s brought a lot of attention to Hagerstown, and not all of it is good. But as long as the souvenirs are selling and the tourists are coming, it seems the city is more than happy to keep exploiting their pink dolphin for all she’s worth.

No dolphins were harmed while writing this article, which is more than we can probably say about supermarket tuna cans. This is a satire article.

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