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The following is a sarcastic account of a real event in Hagerstown, that we wish was satire.

HAGERSTOWN, MD – In one of the most “that’s so Hagerstown” moments ever, the Office of the State Fire Marshal is on the case of a totally normal “malicious burning” incident on Georgia Avenue—because who doesn’t love a good backyard bonfire? On October 13, 2025 some genius boyfriend decided to spice up a domestic dispute by setting a hat ablaze under the rear porch of a home on Georgia Avenue. Because nothing says romance like dinner under the warm glow of burning apparel.

Miraculously, no one got hurt—shocker!—and the devastating financial loss? A whopping $50 worth of clothing. Must have been quite an expensive hat. The Hagerstown City Police are now juggling domestic charges separately, because apparently, setting your girlfriend’s hat on fire is just another Tuesday. No arrests yet, but don’t worry, charges are totally coming. Stay tuned for the next thrilling episode of dating in Hagerstown!

Article by Mel Anara, based upon information from the Office of the State Fire Marshal


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