Inspired by Montgomery County’s New Parking Robot, Hub City Garage Goes Sci-Fi! (Satire)

In a move that can only be described as out-of-this-world, Hagerstown, MD, has thrown its hat into the sci-fi security ring, inspired by a recent announcement from Montgomery County about their shiny new parking security robot. So impressed were the folks in Hagerstown that they’ve decided to one-up the competition by commissioning a slightly used Dalek straight out of Doctor Who to patrol the gleaming new Hub City Garage!

This five-foot-tall, pepper-pot-shaped terror, affectionately dubbed “Dalek-Duty,” comes equipped with an array of menacing 360-degree eyestalk cameras and can zip around the garage’s parking decks using its own quirky version of lidar—think of it as Dalek sonar, detecting pesky humans and stray shopping carts in its path with a cheerful “Exterminate!” (just kidding about that last part… or are we?).

Hagerstown’s Department of Transportation (HDOT) is launching a one-year pilot program to see if this intergalactic enforcer can zap away the rising tide of crime and vandalism—apparently, the city’s been adding cameras to garages for years, but why stop there when you can have a Time War veteran on duty? HDOT’s pilot will determine if Dalek-Duty’s ominous presence is enough to make troublemakers think twice.

Nestled near the new baseball stadium, the Hub City Garage boasts seven levels, 1,280 parking spaces, and over 9,000 monthly visitors—perfect terrain for our Dalek to roam. “We’ve heard the public’s worries about crime and graffiti in our garages, and Dalek-Duty is here to bring some extraterrestrial order!” said a City of Hagerstown representative. “Plus, in an emergency, it can activate its lights, sirens, and maybe even a plunger or two to summon help!”

In case of a crisis, Dalek-Duty sports a handy call button on its dome, connecting straight to security (no TARDIS required). It can detect humans and read license plates with its cold, mechanical precision—though thankfully, it lacks facial recognition or audio recording capabilities, so your secret karaoke sessions remain safe. And don’t worry, it won’t be issuing parking tickets; it’s too busy perfecting its “Exterminate!” impression.

All security footage from Dalek-Duty will be the proud property of Hagerstown, stored for 30 days, and shared with the police only for investigative purposes—because nothing says “community policing” like a Dalek reviewing tape of a fender bender! Stay tuned as Hagerstown turns its garage into the ultimate sci-fi showdown!

EXTERMINATE. EXTERMINATE. This is a satire article by Ken Buckler.

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