As the snow begins to fall and the urge to perform thrilling, tire-squealing maneuvers in parking lots grows, the Monocacy County Seriff’s Office has a simple, yet profoundly important message for all residents:
“Leave the Donuts to Us!”
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Our highly trained (and highly calorically-fueled) officers are experts in the art of donut consumption. While you might see a fresh blanket of snow as an invitation for vehicular acrobatics, we see it as prime conditions for another box… or ten.
“We take our role as a ‘font for good’ seriously,” stated an anonymous Seriff’s spokesperson, mouth full. “And nothing is ‘gooder’ than a glazed old-fashioned. So please, for the safety of yourself and others, stay off the roads and let us handle the circular delights.”
In lieu of risking your safety (and your driving record) by doing donuts in the snow, we strongly encourage you to embrace the Monocacy County Seriff’s Office’s approach: Stay indoors, stay warm, and consider a delicious pastry. It’s a win-win: safer roads for everyone, and our officers get to maintain their peak performance in competitive eating.
Embrace the Seriff’s Habit. Stay Off the Roads!
Learn more questionable safety tips at our Facebook page!
Please do not call anyone in authority about this article, you will only confuse them, and our government is confused enough. This is a satire article, and may not reflect the views of Radio Free Hub City or its sponsors.
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