South High to Drop Rebels Team Name, Become Imperials (Satire)

Cover Photo: That’s no moon over South Hagerstown High School.

HAGERSTOWN, MD News (1/31/2023) – Long known for their “Rebels” team name, the South Hagerstown High School is about to get a new team name, thanks to cancel culture.

“The Rebels lost the civil war, it’s time we erase them from this history books!” claimed Principal Wilhuff Tarkin, “The last remnants of the Old Republic have been swept away forever!”

Some local residents were not happy about the announcement.

“I’m surprised he had the courage to take the responsibility himself.” stated parent Leah Organa.

“We must keep our faith in the Republic. The day we stop believing democracy can work is the day we lose it.” said local Jamillia Queen.

Principal Tarkin brushed aside the criticism, saying that the renaming of the team “is a statement, not a manifesto.”

The SHHS Rebels will become the SHHS Imperials on April 31, 2023.

Now witness the power of this fully operational satire article! This is a satire article, please don’t call anyone in authority about it, they’re confused enough.