The Annual Airing of Grievances for Hagerstown and Washington County (Opinion)

I’ve got a lot of problems with you people! And now, you’re gonna hear about it! Welcome to the Festivus 2025 Airing of Grievances for Washington County and Hagerstown. Gather ‘round the aluminum pole (unadorned, because we couldn’t get a permit for tinsel), and let’s scream into the void about the absolute circus that was this year.

The “Shaun Porter’s Ass” Grievance

I’m starting here because, frankly, it’s the mooning elephant in the room.

• To Shaun Porter: We get it. You’re mad. You’re an “activist.” But for the love of the Hub City, can we please get through one County Commissioner meeting without a full lunar eclipse? I don’t know what’s worse: the shouting, the bans, or the fact that the most memorable face I saw in local government this year wasn’t a face at all.
• To the Officials: You banned him for six months, he came back, and we’re still dealing with the antics. At this point, just put a blurred censor bar on the live stream and let’s move on to the budget.

The “Weaponized Ethics” Grievance

• To the Local Politicos: Stop filing ethics complaints just because you’re bored! We know it’s not about “ethics”—it’s about political points. It’s the adult equivalent of telling the teacher, “He’s looking at me!”
• The Grievance: Every time I open social media, someone is under investigation for a “violation” that turns out to be a nothingburger. You’re wasting tax dollars on witch hunts when we have actual potholes that could swallow a Honda Civic whole. If you want to fight, do it the old-fashioned way: screaming at each other in Hagerstown public square at 2 am.

The “Public Information Act (PIA) Extortion” Grievance

• To the Washington County Government: Since when did a PDF cost more than a steak dinner?
• The Grievance: You want to charge $250 for a “review fee” because you can’t figure out how to remove duplicate emails from your search results? Stop pretending you need a team of forensic archaeologists to find a document. We know you’re just charging ridiculous fees to make us go away. It’s not “cost recovery,” it’s a “Please Stop Asking Questions” tax. Transparency shouldn’t require a mortgage application.

The “Everyday Struggle” Grievances (Lighting Round)

• I-81 Construction: Will it ever end? Or is the widening project just a social experiment to see how much rage the human spirit can endure before snapping? I’m convinced the cones are reproducing on their own.
• Downtown Hagerstown Parking: I have a grievance with the specialized skill set required to understand if I can park in a spot or not. Is it permit only? Is it two hours? It’s a lot harder to figure out now that parking meters are replaced with empty poles. Is it only on Tuesdays during a full moon? I just want to buy a coffee, not solve a riddle.
• The School Board Meetings: Can we have one election cycle that doesn’t result in a school board member inserting their foot in their mouth? Just one? Please?

Here’s to a remarkable, and hopefully less eventful, 2026.

This is a sarcastic opinion article by Ken Buckler. All opinions are his own, and do not reflect those of our clients or sponsors.

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