Satire: Hagerstown Alligator Comfortably Settling in to New Radio DJ Career

HAGERSTOWN, MD News (10/23/2033) – After many long years helping keep the geese in check at Hagerstown City Park, Ally the Alligator has started a new career as a radio DJ for Radio Free Hub City.

When The Hagerstown Report closed up, Ally was concerned about her future with Hagerstown, as her protecting City Park was under a contract with The Hagerstown Report. However, Radio Free Hub City immediately brought her on board, leveraging her extensive talents as a local celebrity in Hagerstown.

Ally is now feverishly working behind the scenes making sure all our music and radio programs are running smoothly, helping provide content for the local Hagerstown market and surrounding area.

Her cousin, Willy, is comfortably patrolling the waters of the C&O Canal in Williamsport, after a brief overseas deployment helping defend Ukraine from Russia.

Artist's rendition of Willy the Canaligator defending Ukraine
Artist’s rendition of Willy the Canaligator defending Ukraine

Willy has safely returned home after his 6-month deployment, and now tells visitors to the C&O Canal about how it absolutely terrified the Russians to see a large alligator charging them with a rifle. Most of the Russian troops immediately dropped their rifles and surrendered, some shouting about drinking too much vodka.

As for Hagerstown City Park and its geese, the city is currently exploring their options. Unfortunately, their previous attempt to use piranhas failed, as the carnivorous fish found their way into the city water supply. We here at Radio Free Hub City will keep our readers informed once the city decides on a geese population control program this spring. Stay tuned!

Please do not call anyone in authority about this article, you will only confuse them, and our government is confused enough. This is a satire article, and may not reflect the views of Radio Free Hub City or its sponsors.

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