Hold Onto Your Umbrellas: Weather Modification is Real and the Government Sucks at Tracking It

News that should be satire – the following is written about real events, but with a heavy dose of sarcasm and wit.

Remember back when everyone talking about weather modification got labeled a conspiracy theorist? Well, in a stunning revelation the U.S. Government Accountability Office (GAO) has discovered that the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) is not only tasked with overseeing weather modification activities in the United States, but is, to put it mildly, not doing a bang-up job. For over five decades, NOAA has been the designated keeper of records for everything from cloud seeding to the increasingly buzzed-about realm of solar geoengineering, meant to combat those pesky climate changes and persistent droughts. However, a recent GAO report indicates that the information NOAA is collecting and sharing with the public is about as useful and transparent as a screen door on a submarine, leaving us all in the dark about who’s tinkering with our skies.

The GAO, in its infinite wisdom, has determined that NOAA’s oversight of these weather-altering operations is falling woefully short of its statutory obligations. Apparently, the folks conducting these atmospheric experiments are prone to submitting reports that are riddled with errors, or worse, simply failing to report at all. One can only imagine the chaotic state of NOAA’s database, where an estimated over half of the submitted reports are likely to contain inaccuracies or crucial missing pieces, such as those all-important maps that would, you know, show where the weather modification is actually happening. This lack of diligence is particularly concerning given that some states are actively employing cloud seeding techniques to combat ongoing precipitation shortages, a practice that, according to the GAO, is the most common form of weather modification.

Adding to the meteorological mayhem, NOAA’s current reporting mechanisms appear to be woefully unprepared for the advent of solar geoengineering. While the agency is mandated to maintain a record of these emerging activities, the forms and processes in place are apparently as ill-suited as a tuxedo at a beach party. Operators are reportedly struggling with these outdated forms, and many may not even be aware of the reporting requirements in the first place. To add insult to injury, state and local officials who might actually need this information to make informed decisions about weather modification are also largely in the dark, completely unaware that the answers might be buried somewhere in NOAA’s shoddy record-keeping system. It seems a little bit of improved communication and clearer instructions from NOAA wouldn’t go amiss, if only to ensure that these operators are actually reporting their activities and providing data that’s good enough to, you know, understand.

The implications of this flawed system are rather significant for the general public. If the information collected by NOAA is unreliable, how can anyone be truly assured that these weather modification activities are being properly monitored? This lack of transparency could exacerbate public concerns, lead to the cancellation of well-intentioned projects, or even prompt outright bans, all because the agency tasked with oversight can’t seem to get its reporting act together. The GAO, in its thorough examination of the situation, has presented NOAA with a trifecta of recommendations: the agency needs to establish written guidelines for reviewing reports to ensure they contain the legally mandated information, improve the instructions for completing reporting forms to accommodate a wider range of activities including solar geoengineering, and implement a system to proactively inform operators and relevant agencies about NOAA’s oversight role and reporting requirements. NOAA, bless their hearts, has reportedly agreed with these recommendations, so perhaps we can all look forward to a future where our weather modification data is, dare we hope, somewhat less of a disaster.

Anyway, you can read the full report at the GAO website.

Article by Ken Buckler, based upon information from the U.S. Government Accountability Office

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