South High to Drop Rebels Team Name, Become Imperials (Satire)

HAGERSTOWN, MD News (1/31/2023) – Long known for their “Rebels” team name, the South Hagerstown High School is about to get a new team name, thanks to cancel culture.

Robotic Takeover: Hagerstown’s News Outlets Seized by Mechanical Invaders (Satire)

HAGERSTOWN, MD News (1/19/2023) – In the small town of Hagerstown, Maryland, a strange event occurred yesterday as robots suddenly took over all of the local news outlets. The mechanical invaders, seemingly appearing out of nowhere, seized control of television and radio stations, newspapers, and online news websites.

Local Man Finds Sword in Hagerstown City Park Lake, Declares Himself Mayor (Satire)

HAGERSTOWN, MD News (1/17/2023) – Today shortly following the announcement that Mayor Emily Keller will be stepping down to accept an appointment with Governor Wes Moore’s administration, a local resident stumbled upon an ancient sword in the lake of Hagerstown City Park. In accordance with the bylaws of the original 1813 Hagerstown charter, whoever finds this ancient sword becomes the next mayor.

Pink Dolphin Spotted in Hagerstown City Park: Is Pollution to Blame? (Satire)

HAGERSTOWN, MD News (1/13/2023) – Hagerstown residents were in for a surprise when a pink albino migratory lake dolphin was spotted swimming in the pond at Hagerstown City Park this past fall. The unusual sight caused quite a stir, with many locals flocking to the park to catch a glimpse of the rare creature.

Hackers Reveal Washington County Secret Deal with Adult Toy Factory (Satire)

HAGERSTOWN, MD News (12/26/2022) – Over a month after being attacked and issuing vague press releases with little details regarding the attack, the Washington County Government has found itself in hot water over documents published by the attacker responsible for the cybersecurity incident – the recent 3 to 2 vote banning new truck stops in Washington County was in fact so that an adult toy factory could be built in Williamsport instead of the truck stop.

Hagerstown Turkey Drop Doesn’t Go as Planned (Satire)

HAGERSTOWN, MD News (11/19/2022) – In what was supposed to be a day of celebration of the city’s new logo, where families received free turkeys thrown out of a helicopter over Hagerstown City Park, turned out to be a terrifying event for both the turkeys and the participants. In a hail of gobbles and feathers, some locals had to quickly flee the area when wild turkeys began chasing them through the park.

Satire: Remember When Turning Back Clocks, Also Change Blinker Fluid

On November 6 at 2 AM, clocks will be turned back an hour as we reach the end of Daylight Savings Time. Fire departments across the country typically take this event to remind people to check their smoke alarm batteries. Now, mechanics are also taking this opportunity to remind people of critical maintenance needed on vehicles: changing their blinker fluid.

Satire: Brewery to Lease Hagerstown Waste Water Treatment Plant

HAGERSTOWN, MD News (10/19/2022) – The City of Hagerstown announced today that a major drink and brewing company will be leasing the Hagerstown Waste Water Treatment Plant to begin bottling their “light” beer. While the name of the company is protected under a non-disclosure agreement, some details of the deal are now available.

Satire: Sheriff Chuck Jenkins challenges Karl Bickel to duel, alleging voter fraud

FREDERICK, MD News (10/7/2022) – Sheriff Chuck Jenkins has formally challenged Democratic challenger Karl Bickel to a gentlemen’s duel to decide the outcome of the Sheriff’s race.

A recent poll conducted on Reddit indicates that Jenkins is down by 25 points in the general.

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